


Knocked Out of Orbit

by Halxe



Category: Atypical (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 23:57:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15983228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halxe/pseuds/Halxe
Summary: And like a comet it crashes into her, pulling her closer and closer until she’s knocked out of orbit and plummeting forward until she is burning, every molecule of her being vaporising, stripping apart, and it hurts more than anything she’s ever felt but it means she gets to be a part of her so she lets herself sink further and further until all she can see is the blinding bright light of the sun.





	Knocked Out of Orbit

**Author's Note:**

> Just want to say a huge thanks to WhoLenny for being super fucking awesome and supporting me with this. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

_Present_

They haven’t talked about it for two weeks.

The thing-that-almost-happened-but-definitely-shouldn’t-have-even-though-it-didn’t-because-she-devil-walked-in-and-Casey-never-thought-she’d-ever-be-glad-to-have-her-mom-barge-into-her-room-more-than-she-does-looking-back-because-she-loves-Evan-and-he’s-her-boyfriend-and-god-how-hypocritical-would-that’ve-been-especially-if-Elsa-had-walked-in. Yeah. That thing.

Except, Casey thinks they really need to talk about it because Izzie’s fingers have been hanging scarcely close to her own under the table for twenty minutes now, edging teasingly closer but never connecting, and her chest is constricting with each blaring thump of her heart against it, tighter and tighter until her skin is burning, and she can’t breathe and god they aren’t even touching but-

The chair scrapes harshly against the floor and Casey is up and out the cafeteria door before she even realises she’s moved because she can’t stop thinking about that almost-thing and how much she wishes her mom hadn’t walked in.

So, yeah, they really need to talk about it.

~

She waits at Izzie’s locker when the bell rings, the corner of her blazer rumpled under her clenched fist and her eyes flitting routinely around the corridor.

Izzie gets out at half past. It’s only a five-minute walk so she should be here by now to return her books and Casey is really wishing she’d hurry up because god she doesn’t know how much longer she’ll have the nerve to-

And then she’s there and fuck…

The breath is swept from her lungs before she has the chance to fully take her in which is stupid because she saw Izzie at break, she knows what she looks like so this really shouldn’t be happening every time Casey catches a glance at her but the way silk black waves sit, a perfect frame around her face, is mesmerising and her eyes look up with a softness that seeps into her entire being in a way that should be misplaced for a girl who is so well-versed in sharp edges and stone faces but feels like it couldn’t belong anywhere else.

Izzie steps up to her locker, soft eyes turning curious at Casey’s speechless state, “Hey, what’s up?”

And there’s that blinding smile, turning the bones in her legs to jelly and stealing the words from her mouth.

Not wanting to look like a complete idiot (well, more than she already has), Casey collects herself and manages to force words out through her nervous state. “Hey, can we talk?”

Concern instantly springs into Izzie’s features, her hand dropping from the lock and coming to rest on Casey’s forearm, “What’s wrong?”

Casey turns away, eyes glancing at the mass of students passing through the corridor, abruptly causing Izzie’s hand to fall into empty air. She looks back to her, too distracted to notice the way Izzie’s arms have tucked around her and her body has curled in on itself, “Maybe, somewhere private?”

 

~

 

_Two weeks earlier_

It hurts. Seeing her with him.

It hurts like a thousand knives plunging into every inch of your being and all you can do is lay there and let it happen. So, you don’t look. You walk away and think of the smile on her face when she looks at you. But the wounds are still there, bleeding out until you are drained and unable to get back up.

You don’t really figure out why until you’re back home in your room, the silence lingering back and forth between the walls and settling around you, an offering of brief recess from the raging war in your mind. For a moment you can just lie back and breathe.

Ultimately, though, your mind wanders back to her, as it’s done countless times over the past week, playing over each encounter until every detail is meticulously ingrained in your mind. It makes sense, you suppose; how quickly you held your guard up around her, threatened and confused about the way she made you feel, how effortlessly she tore it down and climbed into your heart before you even had time to blink. And you let her. Let this connection between you grow because it had felt so good to just be yourself and not have to worry about what others would think. Because she made you feel love and warmth in a way you thought you never would. Not with Nate.

He’d been convenient. A distraction from your mom and siblings. But you’d never loved him. You hadn’t even cared that much that he’d tried to kiss Casey. Sure, it had hurt but not as much as the thought of Casey kissing him - of betraying you. And it was that pain that was so blinding it brought that guard back up, shielding you from uncharted feelings and broken hearts.

But when your forehead is pressed against hers you can see the plethora of browns in her eyes, swirls and lines that make up the galaxy reflecting in them and she is the sun, pulling you into her orbit with a force so strong you don’t care if it’s too much, if you get burned, because she is warm and bright and beautiful and you are intoxicated by her light and god, how could you not fall in love with her?

When she tells you she had sex with him you want to scream until your lungs burn as much as your heart does and your throat is too coarse to keep going. But you don’t. Instead, you joke and laugh and swallow the screams into your stomach where they sit, gurgling against the walls.

And when she says she loves him you tell her you know. Because you do, as clearly as you know the way your heart beats against your chest. I love you. I love you. I love you.

As clearly as the way you know this is wrong. That she loves him. You shouldn’t be doing this. God, you tortured her for a week because you thought she’d kissed Nate. And what a hypocrite you are when you intertwine your fingers with hers and all you care about is that it feels so right.

 

~

_Present_

Silence hangs in the air, awkward and compressed in the small confines of the car and all the more demanding to be heard.

You want to reach out and grab Casey’s hand like you had two weeks prior. You want to tell her about the way your entire being lights up when she’s around, how your heart warms and your palms sweat and how you’ve never felt so completely at mercy to the way a person's mouth pulls upwards at the corners, no matter how small the fraction. Your fingers edge closer across the centre console; you want to be brave. 

“My mom had an affair with a bartender ten years younger than her,”

Your hand recoils, fingertips tinged where they burn. You pull them into your lap, fiddling with the sleeves of your blazer as she continues.

“It was the same day I found out I got into Clayton. And it’s so stupid because if I hadn’t had been on my way to tell Evan, I wouldn’t’ve even seen them,” She sighs and turns to look out the window, “But, I did. And I hated her so much. I’ve tortured her for weeks because I couldn’t understand how she could do that to us.”

“I love Evan. I don’t want to do that to him.” Her eyes connect with yours and your stomach drops at the sincerity behind them because you know. You wouldn’t want her to. Yet the confirmation of hearing the words spoken aloud shatters any illusion you stubbornly held, and you hadn’t prepared for the impact of the shards piercing into your heart.

“Izzie,”

But, she’s still looking at you, eyes soft and warm, so you breathe in anyway and force your gaze to be unwavering. “I meant it, the promise. I feel connected to you in a way I haven’t with anyone else and I don’t want anything to come between us, but…”

The coldness seeps into your bones as she looks away, and she really shouldn’t be able to have this effect on you, but then her attention is back on you and suddenly you’re wishing for anything else.

“I need you to know that nothing can happen between us.” She takes your hand in hers as she says it.

You swallow the lump rising up your throat.

“I know.”

Then she squeezes your hand and you don’t think about how warm or right it feels. You don’t think about the clenching in your chest that winds up your throat, wrapping its claws around your vocal cords and you can’t speak so you squeeze back, and you want to be brave, so you ignore the way your heart burns, pounding against your chest. I love you. I love you. I love you.

**Author's Note:**

> What’d you guys think? Any feedback is hugely appreciated. 
> 
> Don’t have a schedule for this but I plan to continue it. Already got ideas for second chapter so hopefully will crank that out soon.


End file.
